nicotardle.
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Post by nicotardle. on May 3, 2011 19:34:09 GMT -5
"Of course you couldn't," Kaige replied, shaking his head. It was a relief to know that she wasn't upset with him. He was tired of things being just fine one second, then being at each others throats the next. He decided that unless he couldn't help himself, he would just keep any nasty remarks or bad feelings to himself instead of taking them out on her and creating a huge mess. He needed to make things less stressful, especially right now when he was still recovering from the coma he had been in.
Having straightened up his work area, Kaige pulled the chair out from the desk and turned it around so it faced both of the girls, then sat down. He leaned forward and rested his arms on his legs, linking his hands together. He didn't say much as the Karin and Salena conversed, just sat there and listened. He briefly wondered why Salena didn't tell Karin about her actual power, but he was sure she had some reason for hiding it. Maybe she was ashamed of it, or maybe she didn't like it just like he didn't like his. Whatever it was, he wasn't going to say anything about it.
Hearing the girlfriend remark, Kaige tensed up, though his expression remained neutral. He glanced to Salena, listening to her response, then looked back to Karin. He had a feeling Salena didn't like having to say she was just a friend, but it was basically the truth. Nothing serious was going on between the two. "Oh, she's not my girlfriend," he replied rather calmly, shaking his head. "We're just old friends." It was kind of true. They had been together at one point in the past, but that was in the past and this was the future. Besides, he didn't want to bring any complicated stuff up. It was between the two of them anyhow.
"So, can I do anything for you?" he asked, obviously changing the subject, not that he was really uncomfortable in the first place. "I've got plenty of food and drinks if you're needing any of that. Or if you need a place to stay for a bit, I guess I can offer that to you... so long as you're not some sort of spy or someone that plans on killing me in my sleep," he said, only adding the last part as a joke. He was starting to get used to being civil. It wasn't as bad as he thought it would be. Maybe having some friends wouldn't be so terrible after all. [/blockquote]
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Post by ::WOLFURchik:: on May 3, 2011 20:14:23 GMT -5
"Stay? Oh, no." Karin replied to Kaige. "I couldn't do that to somebody I just met. Thanks for asking though, really." She smiled. "As for food or drink, well, I'd love something to drink. I've been out here all day, and I'm just about out of water." She couldn't help but be glad that the "hermit" was so hospitible.
'Not together?' She thought to herself briefly. She started thinking about how cute she thought he looked... how nice he seemed. Plus, they had that whole wolf thing in common. He didn't seem to bad. She might like to give something like that a shot.
And as soon as she had thought it, she chased the thought away. It was one thing that she had just met him, but she also felt like she was cheating Dagger. Dagger's death left a hole in her heart that she couldn't replace, no matter how hard she tried, and she didn't want to act like she could. She dropped the idea.
In all honesty, Salena felt jealous of the new girl's presence. She kind of liked what personality she had seen of her so far, and she seemed pretty nice. But the fact that Kaige had opened his home up to her so quickly made her feel less about herself. She frowned, and looked away. She didn't want him to notice her sudden change of mood, but she couldn't hide it either.
"Shinrin..."
Shinrin snapped out of it and looked back up at Karin, a puzzled look on her face. Obviously, Karin still had questions, and so did she herself.
"Do you remember much about how it happened? When you became human?"
Shinrin thought about this for a moment. She tried to recall what had exactly happened. There wasn't a whole lot she could remember, but there was a little she could remember...
"I remember that it was a wolf that made me how I am."
Karin gasped in air, then smiled, her eyes suddenly wild and interested. "Thats all you remember then? Do you remember what he looked like? How he did it?"
Shinrin shook her head. "I don't remember how he did it... but... he was black. Is this what happened with you?" Karin nodded in agreement. "Yes, but all I remember is that a black wolf was there just before I changed... you don't remember anything else?"
Salena bit her lip, but smiled gently. "Actually, I knew his name. It was..." She tried to remember, but it just wasn't coming out. "It started with a K, I was sure..." She was almost mad at herself. It was so easy to remember, so why couldn't she? "I'm sorry... I'm just not remembering right now. I'm sure I will..."
Karin nodded softly. "Its alright, I understand. It isn't like you guys get asked this question very often." She hoped that in time, she would remember something. In the mean time, she had other questions, which were more for fun than anything.
"How long have you guys been human? How long were you wolves? Do YOU think there is a reason that you were made into this?"
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nicotardle.
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Post by nicotardle. on May 3, 2011 21:01:24 GMT -5
"Okay, suit yourself," Kaige replied. "One bottle of water coming right up." With that, he pushed himself up from the chair and headed off into the kitchen. As he passed by Salena, he sensed some sort of feeling from her, but he couldn't quite figure out what it was. He shrugged it off for the time being. Maybe she would bring it up later, or maybe she wouldn't. He could easily take a look into her mind to figure it out, but it wasn't a big deal to him and he wasn't going to do that to her.
When he entered the kitchen, he wandered over to the fridge, opened it and grabbed out a bottle of water. He leaned back against the counter, not immediately going back to where the other two were, and listened to what they were talking about. So the wolf that had change Karin had most likely changed Salena too. He began to wonder if that wolf had done the same to him. When he tried to remember what had happened before he became a human, nothing came up. His mind was drawing a blank. It was somewhat frustrating. He honestly couldn't remember a thing, but if that wolf had done what he did to Salena and Karin, chances are he had did the same to Kaige. He didn't know for sure, but it was possible. Maybe things would start coming together soon and the puzzle would be solved. He could only hope.
With a quiet sigh, Kaige left the kitchen and went back to the living room, walking over to Karin to hand her the water. "Here you are," he said, holding it out while glancing at Salena through the corner of his eye. He turned his attention back to Karin when she asked the questions. "Well...," he began slowly, thinking back to the past. "I was a wolf for over a century. A human..." He paused, trying to calculate the years. "Maybe a couple of years now, if even that." He shrugged. "I can't remember the exact day I became this way." He almost laughed out loud at her last question, though it wasn't because he found it funny. "Probably. I'm sure something made me this way because I wasn't the most... friendly of wolves, I guess you could say. I did a lot of stupid things and I wasn't really fair." He glanced back to Salena, then looked away. He was sure she knew what he meant by that, but he wasn't going to bring it up. [/blockquote]
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Post by ::WOLFURchik:: on May 3, 2011 21:27:31 GMT -5
Karin took the bottle from Kaige's hand and smiled, nodding her head as if to silently give him her thanks. "A century! Oh!" Something had obviously spiked her interest. "And what about you?"
Salena wanted to glance over at Kaige, but she kept her gaze to the floor. She wanted to tell him that he really wasn't that bad as a wolf, but she had a feeling that he wouldn't believe her. Sure, things happened, but they were just as much her fault as they were his, and she could never blame him for doing what he had. She knew he had his reasons.
"Umm... I'm just... a few years younger than Kaige. We've both... lived a long life, to say the least." This only made Karin's eyes widen more. "I think we've just found something else about us in common! This year would have to be my... one hundred and twenty fourth year." Salena was a little surprised by that. So herself and Kaige weren't the only unlucky ones. At least Karin seemed happier... she must have lived a happier life.
Salena decided to finish the rest of her questions. "I've been human for almost a decade now. Its...taken me a lot longer to adjust than Kaige, here. I still live out in the woods." She said embarassingly. Karin shrugged and smiled. "Nothing wrong with that. I kind of miss waking up to the smells of the morning dew..." She nearly had a flashback to her days with Dagger, but she fought it back, keeping her famous smile plastered onto her face.
"As for myself, I've been a human for about a year." It was weird knowing that these people were here longer than her, especially seeing as how Shinrin still acted much like a wolf. Karin herself adapted very quickly, and though she was still learning, she fit in perfectly with the other humans.
She finished her own question before giving Salena a chance. "I honestly have no idea why I'm here now. My life as a wolf was... well, no. It was'nt perfect, but I wouldn't have given up those first few memories for anything. I don't know, maybe its my mate's way of saying its time to move on. Maybe the Forgotten Forest just held too many memories for me."
Salena almost felt like those words were coming from her own lips. She could sympathize with Karin, that was for sure. "So, you had a mate? What... what happened?"
Karin twisted the bottle in her hand, pretending to read the labels, even though reading was just one of those things she hadn't gotten around to learning quite yet. She took a long pause before answering. "Yeah. I had a family. The best wolf anyone could ask for... and two beautiful pups. They were my whole world." Her eyes dropped to the floor, and her smile faded into a hurtful frown.
"What happened? I lost them..." She looked away, burning up any tears that threatened to leave her eyes. She didn't want to get into detail. It was too painful. She took a deep breath and quickly exhaled. "Well, Dagger always told me that he wanted me to be happy." She said, forcing her smile to return. "Maybe this was his wish, to give me that second chance. Or..." She took a swig of water and grinned at both Kaige and Shinrin.
"Or, maybe not." She simply suggested, and shrugged. "I honestly have no idea." She looked at Shinrin, who had her eyes hidden from the others. She had forgotten about her for a moment, but she wanted to hear her ideas too. "And you? What do you think?"
Salena scoffed. "I don't know, and I guess it really doesn't matter. In a way, I thought it could be a start over for me. I thought getting out of the Forgotten Forest would help me get over the wolf I was in love with." She glanced back at Kaige through the corner of her eyes, her cheeks starting to flush. "I was... completely, and utterly wrong."
"Hm." Karin responded, crossing her arms across her chest. "I guess our explainations all sound similar, don't they? I wonder if this meeting was supposed to happen. You know, maybe we all hold the secrets to helping each other move on and start over."
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nicotardle.
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Post by nicotardle. on May 3, 2011 22:08:03 GMT -5
Kaige took a seat on the couch after Karin took the bottled and crossed one leg over the other, letting his gaze stray to the floor. He listened to Salena and Karin talk, but he said nothing. His thoughts began to wander back to his wolf years and how things had started out so simple, but turned out so ugly. There was the incident that changed his life forever, losing his family and pack mates. Then he met Velia, someone he thought he could trust, only to be fooled and left alone even though she was carrying their pups. Then he discovered the Forgotten Forest and he had his own pack. He had made something out of himself, or so he thought. Shinrin, or Salena, had come along shortly after. As much as he didn't want to, having remembered previous events, he had developed feelings for her. And like the first time, she vanished as well. Then there was Kali. Nothing bad really happened with her until Shinrin showed up again. There was even more drama after that.
Kaige snapped back to reality, barely having heard what Karin and Salena were talking about. He caught the word mate and looked to Salena, wondering if she was telling Karin what they had been, but quickly learned it was about Karin. He sat back against the couch and sighed heavily. So, she had been with someone and had a family too. He couldn't say her mate's name sounded familiar, but again, the Forgotten Forest was a large place. It was easy never coming across another wolf or its pack.
His attention snapped over to Salena when heard her mentioning getting over someone she was in love with. He wasn't stupid. He knew exactly who it was, but Karin didn't. He looked down to his hands and said nothing, feeling slightly awkward. He wished she would get over him and move on. Maybe things would be a little better if she did, but he couldn't force her to or change her feelings. He assumed even if he was nothing but an extreme jackass to her, she'd still care about him. He sighed again and shook his head. "Who knows," he said, finally speaking up. "The world is a strange place, but I'm sure all of us meeting up is no coincidence..." [/blockquote]
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Post by ::WOLFURchik:: on May 3, 2011 22:27:47 GMT -5
Karin looked over at Kaige and smiled. He had to be right. Whatever was going on, they must have been brought there for a reason. They may not know what that reason was quite yet, but she was sure it would come eventually. She capped the water bottle and sighed.
"Well, I really have to say its good to converse with people who know what the heck I'm talking about. I'll admit, you two aren't the first people I've told my secret to, and neither are you the first to believe me... but you two are the first to understand... and... I think that's important."
She looked over to see Salena nodding her head. "Shinrin, you and I sound like we really have similar stories. One thing I know is that if Dagger had a chance to say one thing to me before he died, he would have told me to get over it. Its hard... its taken me a century and I'm still getting used to the fact, but I don't think he would be happy hearing how miserable I was without him. Death is... hard. Death sucks when its not about you. But... its been long enough. Maybe its time to get over it."
Salena just stared at Karin. She understood how she was trying to help, but she just didn't know the story. Salena didn't lose her love to death, nor did she believe Kaige would really be affected in any way if she was happy with some other guy. And besides, she didn't want some other guy. Kaige may never love her the way he used to ever again, but she still loved him, and she would do anything for him. That would probably never change, no matter how hard she tried to make it change.
"I appreciate you trying to help, really... but our situation isn't quite the same." She didn't want to bring anything else up with Kaige listening in. She knew how akward it would be, for the both of them.
"Well, you sure are quiet." Karin finally spoke to Kaige, smiling. "I get the feeling that you are a bit of a mystery." In her mind, she added 'I like mysteries. They are fun to solve.' She didn't care if he was listening into her mind or not. She almost felt bad that he had such a unique power and was too good to use it. "What's your story?" She added in curiosity.
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nicotardle.
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Post by nicotardle. on May 3, 2011 23:33:29 GMT -5
It was almost noticeable when Kaige flinched. You had to be paying attention to catch it. The question was a question Kaige was afraid he would be asked, especially by someone he just only met. He remained silent for awhile, keeping his gray eyed gaze on the floor, his expression void of any emotion. He sat there, his body tense as he debated over how he would answer Karin's question, if he would answer it at all. He wasn't very trusting with others; he never had been. And how did he know this girl wasn't going to run off and tell someone else his life story? He supposed he could always take a look into her mind if he really wanted to, but he wasn't up for it.
There was only a few others who knew about his life and one of them was in the room currently. But even he hadn't told Salena every single thing. Some things were just better left unsaid. She knew most of it, she didn't need to know everything. He continued to sit there quietly, torn on what to do. It really wasn't that big of a deal. It wasn't like something terrible would happen if he told this girl about his past. He just didn't want to go through all of it again and relive what had happened so many years ago. Unfortunately for him, there was no escaping it. The images and memories would continue to haunt him for the rest of his life. It was just something he was doomed with. Finally, he took a deep breath and looked over to Karin.
"Well...," he began slowly, his voice quiet. "It's a long story... but if you want to know..." He paused and shrug, trying to figure the best way to get everything in without making it take so long. "Before I was born, there was a prophecy. I don't remember exactly what it was, but it was something about a wolf being born with an incredible power, a wolf who would make things better for the rest." He shook his head and snorted at that, muttering something quietly under his breath. "Then I was born. Little did my pack leaders know I was the one who held that power. My own family didn't even know it. I didn't even know it. One day, I discovered I could read and hear others thoughts and I could feel what they were feeling, you know, like I demonstrated for you back there in the forest," he said, nodding to Karin.
"And then I started getting these visions. At first, I didn't tell anyone about them because they would just think I Was crazy, but then they started getting worse." He paused again to catch his breath, feeling his heart start to beat faster. "They showed a pretty powerful wolf and his pack attacking and killing basically everyone in the pack I was in, my family included." Images from that vision flashed before his eyes, but he shook them away. "I told my parents and pack leaders about it, but they didn't believe me." He laughed sadly, dropping his gaze to the ground. "They said I was just being a pup and making things up. Maybe if they had listened..." His voice drifted off and he shook his head.
"That vision came true a couple of weeks after I had it. I woke up to find the carnage that had happened while the sun was rising. All of the pack members, the leaders included, were dead. Most of my family... they were dead too. All but me, my mother and just a couple of my siblings. We left the area quickly, not sure if the ones who did all the damage were still around. My mother soon died of a broken heart and my remaining siblings and I went our separate ways." He didn't know why this was making him feel the way he was. While he was never really happy going through the details or remembering things, it had never made him feel this down and alone and it showed on his face.
"They all died because of me...," he said, tightening his jaw. "The power I have was the reason they were killed. The wolf and his pack didn't want any peace or good things. It's my fault they're all dead." He took a breath and looked down to his hands, locking them together. "Anyway, I went off on my own, having no idea what I was going to do. So... I just wandered. About a year later, I met a wolf. Her name was Velia. I stupidly let my guard and and developed feelings for her. One day, I woke up to find that she had left. She was expecting our pups." He laughed bitterly, shaking his head.
"And so off I went again. Sometime after that is when I came across the Forgotten Forest and formed a pack of my own. Then.. I met another wolf." He paused and quickly glanced over to Salena, not mentioning her name. "And I stupidly let my guard down again," he said, looking away. "She ended up coming back sometime later after I had met another wolf, Kali, and things just got terrible from there." He didn't go into much detail, especially since Salena was right there. It was just... awkward. "Then, later on down the road, Kali and I left the Forgotten Forest to find a better place. We ended up having a few pups of our own and we had a pretty decent life, for the most part. There were a few bumps in the road, but what can you expect?" He sighed. He didn't even know if Kali was still around. She was most likely dead by now and Michiko, his favorite of their children and his only daughter, was probably dead with her. It was a depressing thought, but he didn't linger on it.
"There were some other things as well...," he continued on. "The wolf who caused all death of my immediate family and pack mates found me and tried to kill me. It worked... sort of. He died with me." He stopped and pointed to the scar the began beneath his right ear and went down across his throat, ending right above his heart. "That's how I got this. And I know what you're going to ask... if I died, how am I here today? Well...." He paused again and looked over to Salena. "That's where she comes in," he said, still not mentioning that she had been his second mate. "She brought me back. I wasn't happy about it at first, but..." He shrugged. "I got over it. The rest is a blur. I don't remember much... and now here I am... a human." He ended it with that. It wasn't everything, but it was mostly everything and that would do for the time being. [/blockquote]
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Post by ::WOLFURchik:: on May 4, 2011 0:08:05 GMT -5
Salena couldn't bear to look at Kaige as he shared his story. Now that she thought about it, there was very little about his past that she actually knew about. She supposed they were just blinded by love at the time, and they didn't really get a chance to know each other.
But the things that he mentioned that she did know about, were all about her. She cringed when he spoke about it. She thought about what he had said, that the past was the past, and he got over it. But now as she watched him tell his story, she could tell that was far from the truth. There were things that just couldn't be forgiven, and she would never forgive herself either.
She wanted to console him, to tell him it wasn't his fault that all that had happened, but she became too wrapped up into thinking about her own story, and how she was born with a stupid power, and a stupid marking, and all because of it, her life, and the lives of everyone around her were ruined. She could not have hated herself more than she did at that very moment. She could feel the tears whelling in her eyes, and she looked away, hiding them from Kaige and Karin.
"That's what you meant about consequences..." Karin spoke up softly, remembering their conversation in the woods. "That... that's an aweful story. I'm really sorry to hear that." She sat back and crossed her arms tighter, crossing her legs at the ankles. "But if it's one thing that really pops out to me from your story, is that it couldn't have been your fault."
She took a deep breath and began to explain. "How were you supposed to know that such a curse was going to be put on you? There was no way you could decide all that. You didn't pick those powers. Not only that, but you tried to warn them. Don't blame yourself, blame that damned wolf that ruined your life!"
She could already feel the anger swelling up in her heart just knowing what had happened to Kaige. It was those selfish, heartless wolves that always ruined everything. Like the pack that took her pups and lured her mate into a trap. They were torn away from her.
"I lost everything because of the selfishness and hatred of an evil alphess. If I could go back, I would! I would do anything I could to save them! But... I can't. I want to blame myself. I do. Because... I could have done something to prevent it. But you... you did the most one pup could do." She looked over and noticed that Salena had turned away.
"I'm sorry life has screwed you over. Its not fair. It never is. But you can't blame yourself, because it isn't your fault! You know what I think? Thank goodness Shinrin here was there to... bring you back. You may not notice it yet... but I think that prophecy will come true." She paused and swallowed. "You are still alive. That means... there is still hope. Hope... I believe for us all."
She wasn't sure exactly why or how she had started to feel so close to these people already, but so far, they had plenty in common, other than just having been wolves in a former life. They all lost everything of importance to them. They all blamed theirselves. And they all deserved a second chance.
Before she could say anymore, Salena quickly stood up and left the room. She walked out the back, onto the deck, almost slamming the door behind her. She had been overwhelmed with so much feeling. For one, she was angry with herself for not being able to let go of Kaige. He obviously didn't love her anymore, and she was tired of trying to make everything better.
For another thing, she hated herself for helping to ruin Kaige's life. She knew he wasn't over it. Not the way she saw him talking to Karin... She hated herself for being so weak and not being able to stop her sisters from ruining her life, and she hated how jealous she was feeling for Karin. After just a few minutes, Kaige had shared more with her than he ever had with Shinrin, and that was really starting to get to her. Which brought her back to problem number one: how angry she was with herself for not being able to let go.
She burst into an uncontrollable fit of sobs, burying her face in her hands. She couldn't control herself. It wasn't going to stop until she was dry. She had no idea how hard Kaige really had it... and knowing that she took part in really, really screwing up his life was something she could never forgive herself for.
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Karin sat shocked as Shinrin left the room, confused as to if she had said something to trigger her response. "I'm sorry, did I... I say something offensive?"
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nicotardle.
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Post by nicotardle. on May 4, 2011 0:49:48 GMT -5
Kaige listened to what Karin was saying silently, keeping his gaze on his the ground. She could say all that she wanted about it not being his fault until she was blue in the face, but he wasn't going to believe it. It was his fault. How could it have not been? He was born with that power and because of that, his family and pack mates had been wiped out. There was nothing that could be said to convince him otherwise. He only shrugged in response, not really having anything to say that she would agree with. It was a shame to hear she had lost something too. It was strange how they had that unfortunate thing in common, but maybe it would make them good friends, however morbid that sounded.
He was about to open his mouth to say something when Salena suddenly got up and left the room. He blinked, clearly confused. He looked to Karin, his mouth turning down to a frown. "No... it's not you," he said, his voice low. "It's... me." He sighed, dropping his gaze back down to the ground. He supposed it wouldn't hurt to let Karin in on their past, at least the short version, anyway. "You see...," he began, taking a deep breath, "Before Salena was Salena, she was Shinrin... and she was my mate from the Forgotten Forest, before Kali came along." He didn't really remember a whole lot from the beginning, but it didn't really matter much.
"I didn't really want to do the whole love thing again after what had happened with Velia, but..." He shrugged. "You can't really control your feelings no matter how hard you try. I thought things were going just fine but then... one day... she just.. disappeared. I had no idea where she was. There wasn't a clue or anything left behind. It was the Velia incident all over again." He shook his head and brought a hand up to remove the rubber band holding his hair back. "I didn't really know what to do. After awhile, I just sort of... gave up and then Kali came along." He ran a hand through his hair, causing a few strands to fall across his face.
"Things with me and her with kind of instant, and when things started to get good, Shinrin came back. Turns out her sisters kidnapped her or something like that, I can't really remember. I have a horrible memory when it comes to some things." He shook his head, laughing though it was empty. "We never got back together, obviously. There was a lot of drama afterward and then... we just lost touch, I guess." He shrugged. "And now here we are again, only this time we're human." He was no good at comforting others, he never had been, and he wasn't sure if he should go and find out what was wrong. He didn't want to make things even more difficult or awkward. [/blockquote]
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Post by ::WOLFURchik:: on May 4, 2011 1:34:49 GMT -5
Karin glanced out where Shinrin had left, then back at Kaige and frowned. She had a clue that something was up between the two of them. If Kaige was the one Shinrin couldn't get over, she could kind of understand why she was upset. She glanced down, wondering if he was going to console her. By the looks of just how still he was staying, she caught the idea that this was the type of thing Shinrin did a lot.
"So, you guys were mates? And... you just happened to show up here, both of you, at different times, as humans? That sounds a little..." Her brows rose. It sounded crazy. But it also sounded important. Maybe there was a reason to them being here after all. She just wasn't sure where she fit in just yet.
"Wait, so if she was kidnapped... then it really wasn't her fault? I'm sorry, but I sort of get the feeling that you might have blamed her for more than she was really responsible for, am I right?" Here, her blunt side was beginning to show. That was the reason she really didn't have a problem with Kaige reading her mind. She usually just spoke her mind anyway.
"Man... My mate died and I still can't get over it. It must be tough, having to see the guy your madly in love with, all at the same time, knowing that your very presence is like a smack in the face. I don't know a whole lot about your situation... but... " She shrugged, hoping she wasn't offending him. "It sort of sounds like you pulled a pretty jerk move. I don't know. What do I know?"
She glanced back out the door. Her motherly instincts kicked in, and she sort of felt sorry for the girl. She forced herself onto her feet and followed where Shinrin had disapeared to. When she found her bawling her eyes out, she instantly wanted to help. Karin may not have been the best person to help with the touchy feeling stuff, but she could never just sit around either.
"Shinrin?" She spoke softly, but Salena batted her away. "Go! You don't belong here! You don't know anything about me!" Karin bit her tongue and sat down next to her, putting an arm around her to console her.
"Kaige told me a little bit... about how you were his second mate?" She took a deep breath. "If you don't mind, could you tell me a little more? Kaige seemed to be... lacking in his story."
Salena took a deep breath and tried to force the tears away. She sniffled until she could at least choke out a few words. "Kaige was the first wolf who ever payed any attention to me. When I joined his pack and called him alpha, I devoted my loyalty to him. I couldn't help it that I fell in love! Oh, I was so in love..."
She took a deep breath, and Karin rubbed her back comfortingly. "I didn't know! I didn't know about all that had happened to him until he just told you! If I had been stronger... I could have kept my fucking sisters out of things. I could have stopped them from ruining my life, from ruining Kaige's! When I became his mate, I devoted my life to him! Mated for life, havn't you ever heard the term?"
Karin could understand that. The more Shinrin talked, the more she thought about Dagger, and how much she missed him. She didn't talk, instead, she let Salena finish getting out her frustration.
"It took longer than I wanted it to, but I killed them! I finally killed them, but when I came back... he was gone. He moved on, found somebody else... it was all a shock to me. I felt as if I had gone off to work, and then come back to find ten years had gone by. Each time, I pleaded with him to take me back, but when he did, I only fucked things up worse, because I was so WEAK!"
"But when he found somebody else, my whole world shattered. Kaige was the only thing I ever knew. He was the only thing I ever loved, and ever wanted to love. But he didn't even care about me anymore. He wanted me dead. I was a parasite to him! I went through hell trying to get him back, but all it did was make him hate me more... I should have let him kill me! At least then I would have made up for the pain I caused him! I HATE the very day I was born into exsistance! I hate that my purpose in life was to make Kaige miserable! All I wanted to do was be with him... to follow him to the ends of the earth. I'd do anything for him. If he asked me to roll over and die, I just would!"
Karin was beginning to feel over whelmed by the emotions echoing off of Shinrin. There was so much hate and anger in her heart, all of which she forwarded directly to herself. She had basically been holding a gun to her head for all of these years.
"It wasn't like I didn't try to get over him. I didn't want to, but I knew I had to, for his sake. But I couldn't! I took another mate. I never told Kaige. I never got to. But it wasn't love! I was afraid... I thought if I accepted his offer to be his mate, I could love somebody else... but it was empty. Loveless. I felt as if I was already dead. He died shortly after... but I bore his child... and I watched her age and die."
She sniffled. "I thought this was our second chance. I didn't even need to be loved by him, I just needed a chance to love him... and to obey him. I need him to be my alpha, my leader. I'm lost without him. But I can't stand the thought of me hurting him... I'd rather die!"
Karin felt a sudden ping of emotion, and she realized that it was total self hate. Salena wasn't just talking about things that made her depressed... she really did want to die. She held her in a huddle, as if she was holding her back from killing herself.
"I'm sure Kaige doesn't blame you for this! You heard him, he blames himself for most everything that happened in his life. You blame yourself. You know what the problem between you two is? You both have too much in common. I've seen you for maybe an hour, and I can already tell. Your relationship was doomed from the beginning."
With those words, Salena stood and pushed Karin off of her, obviously offended. "It wasn't always this bad!" She snapped at her, then frowned. "But now that all that has happened... he can't forgive me. He never will. He's stubborn. I will always be at fault, and I agree with him. No matter what, I will never be good enough for him." She peeked into the house, but couldn't see him. "He is too good for me..."
Karin folded her arms and glared at Salena, unbelievingly. "Too good for you? Alright, believe what you want to believe, I can't help you any there. I can only begin to understand how you must be feeling. But right now, you are broken. And Kaige is broken. Before you try anything, both of you need some fixing. You can't think straight right now. You both let your emotions do too much talking."
At this point, Salena wasn't even listening anymore. She was regreting Karin being there in the first place. At least then, Salena wouldn't have been feeling as bad as she did, and they could still be napping in a quiet, peaceful house.
Salena buried her face in her hands. "No offense... but what do you know?"
Karin stood back and stared. After a moment, she laughed. "Nothing. I don't know anything. If I did, I would have died happy a long time ago."
((ok, I'm falling asleep... if you think this is good enough, I will stop it here cuz I don't know what else to say, but if you really have a problem with it, I could force myself to add some more Dx ))
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nicotardle.
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[M:0]
The brave may not live forever, but the cautious do not live at all ~
Posts: 101
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Post by nicotardle. on May 4, 2011 12:17:35 GMT -5
Kaige could feel the familiar burning sense of anger flood his body, spreading like wild fire. When had he ever said it was her fault? And how was he a jerk for moving on? He almost instantly regretted letting this stranger into his house. He didn't care if she had been like them anymore or that she had lost something dear to her. He was about fed up with her right then and there. This was why he didn't open up to anyone else or try to befriend anyone. They were all ridiculous and all jumped to conclusions when they didn't even know half of the story. He watched Karin go and continued to sit there, balling his hands up into fists so tight, his knuckles were white.
"No," he said to the empty room, his voice low. "No, I don't think so." He stood up abruptly and walked over to the door in just a few steps, yanking it open and stepping outside. "Excuse me," he said, not caring if he was interrupting their girl time. He stood out on the deck, his body rigid. "When did I ever say I blamed her? Did I specifically say, "That damn bitch ruined my life!" or anything of the sort? No. I said I stupidly did what I did with Velia." He could feel the anger growing more intense and his gray eyes looked fiery. "And if I was so god awful, why did I go looking for her?" he asked, releasing his fists and letting his hands relax. "Because I did. I went looking high and low for her for the longest time but could never find her." He paused and shook his head.
"I assumed she did what Velia did, so sue me for teaching myself to get over it and move on. I didn't even know what the fuck happened until later on, but it was too late. I had moved on. Yeah, I'm a terrible guy. Go ahead and call me that. Big fucking deal. I even told her not that long I ago I didn't blame her and that shit happens, but she's going to believe what she wants to believe." He threw his hands up as if he was surrendering. "And you can go ahead and say what you want about me," he said, looking over to Karin. "I'm a jerk, yeah, alright. I've heard that plenty of times already, it's nothing new." He crossed his arms over his chest, but dropped his arms back down a second later. It had been awhile since he was this pissed off. "I'm so sorry I can't give you what I want," he snapped. "I'm so sorry I don't want a relationship because it's not something I'm looking for. I'm so sorry I just want to do me for right now before I ever think about settling down with someone again, especially after everything I've put up with."
"Thanks for reminding me why I don't like dealing with other people. " He took a step back to the door. "But whatever. I'm done. You guys can have your fun here. I'm out." With that, he stepped through the open door and slammed it so hard, the house shook. He crossed through the kitchen and living room and opened the front door, almost running down the steps. The sun was starting to make its descent now as evening began to take over. He didn't really know where he was going, but he was headed for the forest. Maybe if he was lucky, a giant spider would get to him. [/blockquote]
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Post by ::WOLFURchik:: on May 4, 2011 21:13:44 GMT -5
Karin stood speechless as she listened to Kaige rage out. She got the feeling that maybe he should have used his seer powers. If he had, he would have known that she wasn't blaming this on him. She knew she was jumping to conclusions, that was why she shut up as quickly as she had. Now she was starting to see the problems between the two. One was over emotional, the other was quick to anger. How the hell had they gotten together in the first place?
Salena froze, wided eyed, tears stuck in place. She didn't mean for this. She didn't want Kaige to be angry with her, that was why she left when she could. She couldn't help that she had to let it all out. She had been hiding her emotions for quite some time, and she just had to cry. That was all, she just had to let it out, then she knew she would be fine...
But now, she was feeling angry herself. She was pissed at Karin. Pissed that she claimed to know what was best, or how she claimed to understand. And she was especially pissed that she had screwed everything up. She realized now, that just having Kaige as an aquaintance was a thousand times better than not seeing him at all. She didn't care if they ever got back together, but she couldn't have Kaige so angry with her again, especially when it wasn't her fault this time. It was Karin that pissed him off.
"Who the hell do you think you are? Coming into our lives like this? You aren't a god! You can't possibly know how things are supposed to be!"
Karin stood and listened to her rage. Sure, maybe she had said too much, but this seemed a little over board, even to her, and at one time, Karin had been the godess of mental rage kills. "I think Kaige misunderstood me a little... and all I was trying to do was be supportive. Do you think thats easy for me? Because its not."
Salena rolled her eyes and turned away. A huge part of her wanted to go after Kaige, and to explain to him that she never felt what he thought she felt. She didn't feel like he was blaming her, she only blamed herself. She was angry with herself for not being more supportive of Kaige, and for not understanding him. She wanted to let him know that she was never upset with him. It was always herself. Kaige could do no wrong in her eyes.
"I'll go find him... I'll explain things to him." Karin suggested.
"No." Salena protested. "You stay out of it. I know you didn't mean any harm... but you can't fix this either."
Without waiting to hear anymore, Salena stormed through the house and out the front door, her senses on high alert. "Kaige!" Her voice rung out through the trees. "Please just listen to me!" There was still a crack in her voice from sobbing so much, but she couldn't let him go. She wasn't going to let him run away.
Finally she caught a glimpse of him, and she ran after him. She hoped that because of his injuries, he wouldn't run away when he saw her coming. "Kaige you had no right in yelling at me!" She started, hoping to get his attention, even if it made him angrier, she just had to make him listen.
"You yelled at me for something some strange bitch tells you? I know you don't want a relationship! I respect that! Honestly, I think thats for the best. And I never said you blamed me... But I could feel that it still hurt, just the same. I walked out of the room because I didn't want you to see me cry. I hate being so weak! I hate not being good enough."
She wiped away a few stray tears before completely catching up to him, walking beside him. She calmed her tone a bit, and spoke from the heart. It was time to tell Kaige just how she felt. "I was only ever so angry at myself, because I wanted to do so much to support you, to show you how much I loved you, but I could never do anything right. I failed at everything. Everything. I left that room because I couldn't bare to know the pain you've felt. I couldn't bare knowing how little I did for you. Seeing you hurt..."
She instantly became emotional again, and quickly had to look away,desperately wiping away at her tears. "I was never there for you. I never understood what you were going through... And I wanted to. But I was never good enough for you. I knew that, but I still tried to get you back, because I couldn't bare life without you. I know I will always be weak. You moved on, and I couldn't. We should have never been... after all, you were an alpha, I was worse than an omega. I was cast out of my own pack. I never deserved you! You deserved so much better."
She stopped in her tracks, digging her nails into her arms to try to stop the tears, and it helped for a little. "You were always so good to me, Kaige. You knew how weak I was, but you still gave me a chance. I disapeared, and you still went looking for me. I ruined your life, and you still spared mine. I got you shot... but you still invited me into your home. No matter how derranged, crazy, or weak I was, you always gave me more than I deserved. I'm sorry if I don't hate you!"
She was pouring her heart out to him. She wanted to tell him everything, but there were too many words to speak. All she could hope for is that he might understand what she was trying to say. She would still do anything he asked of her. She hoped he wouldn't ask her to leave.
"I can't stand the thought of you being mad at me, but if you have to take your anger out on me, then do it, because I'm tired of being the failure I am eternally cursed to be."
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nicotardle.
VIP Member
[M:0]
The brave may not live forever, but the cautious do not live at all ~
Posts: 101
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Post by nicotardle. on May 6, 2011 13:33:16 GMT -5
He should of known Salena would go after him. Kaige didn't need to use his powers to figure that out. He sighed inwardly and picked up his pace, hoping that she would just fall behind, but he knew that wasn't possible with her. She'd probably keep following him even if he were to chew her out. It made him slightly sad in a way, but he couldn't figure out why. He shook the feeling off and continued walking, staring straight ahead with a blank expression. He could hear her catching up and when she was beside him, he didn't look over. He said nothing as she spoke, but he was listening even though it didn't seem like it. Maybe it was a mistake getting a little closer to her again. He could see that she still loved him, but he couldn't give her what she wanted and he wasn't going to put himself through something that would only make him unhappier.
With a heavy sigh, he slowed his pace down and shook his head. "I'm not taking my anger out on anyone," he muttered, keeping his gaze ahead. "And I wasn't blaming you for anyone. My life was doomed before I ever met you. But..." He paused, trying to figure out how to word what he wanted to say without her getting too upset. Of course, he should of known better. "I think right now we need some time away from each other. We can't really... figure anything out if we're around twenty four seven." He stopped walking then and looked over his shoulder. "I appreciate you sticking around and putting up with me even though you didn't have to, but... I need to figure things out and you need to figure things out. We need to do that away from each other..."
He turned around to head back to his house and glanced back at her. "I'm going to go home now," he said slowly, something strange showing in his eyes. "I don't want you to follow me. We need to do this on our own. Maybe it'll do us some good." He began walking forward again, dropping his gaze to the ground. "Oh.." He stopped for a moment and turned back. "Don't do anything stupid, okay? I know I can't keep you from doing anything, but..." His voice stopped and he shook his head again, then turned back around and started walking. He didn't know what was going to happen next. Would she take what he said the wrong way and disappear forever, or would she be alright and meet up with him again in the near future? He didn't know, but what he did know was that he felt... bad. It was a rare thing for him to feel, but he did and he couldn't help it. He made himself look like a jerk. Again. [/blockquote]
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Post by ::WOLFURchik:: on May 6, 2011 17:58:50 GMT -5
Everything inside of Salena just sort of... broke down, all at once. She had only tried to explain to him that she hadn't said anything to him, that it had all been Karin, and that she would never want to make him angry. If he was angry with her for that, then maybe there was nothing left she could do. She hated so badly how Kaige tried to act like he knew what she wanted. It was obvious he never used his powers anymore, or he would have known that she just wanted him to be her alpha, at least for the time being. She didn't want to be with him in the way that he thought.
It broke her heart a little. No matter how much she tried to explain it to him, he wouldn't get it. This time, she knew that what happened was not her fault. Still, Kaige believed that all this had happened because they were spending too much time together? They hardly said more than a sentance together. It broke her heart to see just how much Kaige had changed. There was no getting through to him this time. It was almost as if he wanted to be unhappy and alone. She understood the fear he must have felt, but to reject her friendship was more than that. She just didn't know him anymore.
She looked down at the ground, her wide eyes narrowed as she understood the situation. Salena had felt that this was her last chance. Now it was over. Her alpha told her to go, and like a good little puppy, she was going to listen. She wasn't sure if she'd ever see Kaige again, but she knew that she wasn't going to go looking for him anymore. It wasn't worth it. It never was. For years, she went through unimaginable pain, both physically and emotionally demanding, just to talk to him. But he never listened, and she had a feeling that he never would.
She opened her mouth to speak, but her words fell flat. She felt dead inside. No tears came. It wasn't worth it to cry. Maybe it was time to get over things. She wasn't sure what would happen. She could walk off the edge of the planet and die, and she would be happy with that. Maybe she would never be happy, and in all honesty, she never tried to be. She just wanted to make others happy. It was obvious that in this situation, she couldn't. It was time to give up. The only problem was this was all she ever knew. She was leaving her entire life behind in the middle of the woods. What would she do? Where would she go?
"Kaige, just promise me you'll stay safe?" She looked up to watch him walk away, backing away from him herself. "That's all thats ever mattered..."
Without waiting for a response, she turned around, and left.
It was the first time she intentionally left, and it was the hardest thing she had ever done. She may never tell if it was the right or wrong thing to do. She wasn't going to read the stars to see if they would meet again. If they did, fine. If they didn't, fine. Whatever happened, happed.
At least that was what she told herself, but deep inside, she could feel her heart begin to bleed.
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